Faux Pas

short stories collection - a compilation of my short stories.

summary

“Hey sexy, how’re you?”
“Don’t you fuck with me, I saw you with the bitch.”
“Ah, come on honey, it was just a joke.”
“A joke? I’m your fucking wife asshole. You think your fucking funny don’t you. Look at my face, am I laughing. No, I’m not? That’s what I thought.”


A look at a couple who have no social grace.

“Hey sexy, how’re you?”

“Don’t you fuck with me, I saw you with the bitch.”

“Ah, come on honey, it was just a joke.”

“A joke? I’m your fucking wife asshole. You think your fucking funny don’t you. Look at my face, am I laughing. No, I’m not? That’s what I thought.”

“Baby, baby, calm down, it was only for a night, no worries.”

“No worries until the bitch calls asking for child support.”

“Don’t sweat it, the company would pay for it anyhow.”

“Oh, so now it’ll be the company’s problem again? What is this, the sixth time you’ve used them to bail you out of trouble. You think we got married so your god damn company could resolve everything for you?”

“I don’t have time for this, I have a meeting soon.”

“What, a meeting with your bitch. But then again, that’s just like you, just walking away from the problem. Get out of the house you prick.”

“Honey, we’re in the hotel.”

“What brilliant rhetoric, just get the hell out.”

So, another argument, another day in the life of a highly paid business man. These wives have no idea the hardship we have to go through; I mean at some of the meetings, we sometimes don’t even get hot coffee, who the hell wants to drink cold coffee? It was hard times, they had cut back on my wage by a couple million dollars, can you imagine–what blasphemy!–stupid liberals trying to ride corporations of generous gift packages. I knocked down the blue framed picture of me and my wife as I left, let’s see what she thinks about that.

“I’ll just pick that up dearest.”

Stupid sarcastic bitch always ruining all my fun. I started to close the door behind me, but heard a soft sniffling sound, then a loud wail. Dumb bitch thinks I still fall for the sobbing card, to bad for her I’ve grown immune for it. I would go talk to her, after all she is my wife, but no time for intelligent debate, no time for second guessing and no time for annoying wives, I have another plane to catch.

-biafra

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additional articles to journey through:

broken
11 november 2009 | short story

“Haha, my brother, how have you been?” “Great. Times are good, money is flowing, bitches crawl all over me—wh[...]at more could a man desire?”
I sat in the corner through blurred vision, watching them hug and chat. Grrrrrrr. There were many things I hated about this house, least of which was the rats. I went to work every day, but that can wait. I got up and was immediately dragged back down. The chains, how could I forget?

Inspired by a series of articles on sexual slavery in Eastern Europe, this is a surreal, sad tale of a girl and her abusers. This took my experimentation with more suspenseful, fear-driven stories to another level. Unfortunately, not all stories have a fairy-tale ending...

en el mundo de los dios
24 april 2010 | short story | spanish

Me desperté en la casa de mi novia. Esta alcoba tenía muchas sillas; mi novia le gustaba invitar a sus amigos aquí y nos cenemos ca[...]da viernes. Odié a sus amigos de mi novia, ellos eran terrible y egoistica. Pero, no es el punto de este cuento, quiero hablarles sobre mi aventura en el otro mundo. No he contado a otras personas sobre este evento; creo que si lo hago, la gente creería que yo sea loco y me ponen en una cárcel.

To practice my Spanish I began writing a couple short stories in the language. This if the first, which focuses on an abduction and the magic of exploring a new world.

r functions: knitr wrapper
13 july 2013 | programming

Thought i'd share the wrapper function i use to knit files using the excellent knitr[...] package in R. This allows easy creation of an html page that integrates commentary, R code, and the resulting plots (which are base64 encoded, so the html file is fully portable).

sochi olympic stats: medal count
19 february 2014 | america

There have been several articles that re-order the medal count ranking by comparing medals to population or GDP, which then show small coun[...]tries topping the charts. This analysis ignores some obvious facts: small countries are over-represented in the number of athletes they send and the relationship between athletes sent and medals is linear. I present a brief analysis to support and expand on these claims.

©2006-2017 | biafra ahanonu | updated 19 june 2017
biafra ahanonu