Faux Pas

short stories collection - a compilation of my short stories.

Summary

“Hey sexy, how’re you?”
“Don’t you fuck with me, I saw you with the bitch.”
“Ah, come on honey, it was just a joke.”
“A joke? I’m your fucking wife asshole. You think your fucking funny don’t you. Look at my face, am I laughing. No, I’m not? That’s what I thought.”


A look at a couple who have no social grace.

“Hey sexy, how’re you?”

“Don’t you fuck with me, I saw you with the bitch.”

“Ah, come on honey, it was just a joke.”

“A joke? I’m your fucking wife asshole. You think your fucking funny don’t you. Look at my face, am I laughing. No, I’m not? That’s what I thought.”

“Baby, baby, calm down, it was only for a night, no worries.”

“No worries until the bitch calls asking for child support.”

“Don’t sweat it, the company would pay for it anyhow.”

“Oh, so now it’ll be the company’s problem again? What is this, the sixth time you’ve used them to bail you out of trouble. You think we got married so your god damn company could resolve everything for you?”

“I don’t have time for this, I have a meeting soon.”

“What, a meeting with your bitch. But then again, that’s just like you, just walking away from the problem. Get out of the house you prick.”

“Honey, we’re in the hotel.”

“What brilliant rhetoric, just get the hell out.”

So, another argument, another day in the life of a highly paid business man. These wives have no idea the hardship we have to go through; I mean at some of the meetings, we sometimes don’t even get hot coffee, who the hell wants to drink cold coffee? It was hard times, they had cut back on my wage by a couple million dollars, can you imagine–what blasphemy!–stupid liberals trying to ride corporations of generous gift packages. I knocked down the blue framed picture of me and my wife as I left, let’s see what she thinks about that.

“I’ll just pick that up dearest.”

Stupid sarcastic bitch always ruining all my fun. I started to close the door behind me, but heard a soft sniffling sound, then a loud wail. Dumb bitch thinks I still fall for the sobbing card, to bad for her I’ve grown immune for it. I would go talk to her, after all she is my wife, but no time for intelligent debate, no time for second guessing and no time for annoying wives, I have another plane to catch.

-biafra
bahanonu [at] alum.mit.edu

comments

comments powered by Disqus

additional articles to journey through:

filugori
27 december 2008 | short story

The pair looked out across the gorgeous vista, the golden plans below waiting to be harvested, the mountains in the distance yearning [...]to be explored, the hidden structures and stories aching to be discovered. The sky was auburn green; owing to the transition between ecosystems as the planet was terraformed. The suits were itchy, their bright white exterior blinding those foolish enough to stare at them. They reminded him of the astronaut suits they used to see from the late 20th century photos.

Possibly the best short, it focuses on the attack by an unknown entity on an alien city. The fear, anticipation and rapidly switching perspective were an experiment in a new style for me. I think it paid off.

from the archives: declaration of independence, internet edition
11 july 2013 | america

A revised Declaration of Independence I did awhile ago (i.e. high school) for a writing class. It is slightly a mockery of the style of wri[...]ting sometimes used back then, e.g. finding unnecessarily complicated ways of saying a simple concept; long, ponderous sentences; and an abuse of the Capital.

stanford bing concert hall: first impressions
15 december 2012 | stanford

Designed by architect Richard Olcott (Ennead Architects) and sound designer Dr. Yasuhisa T[...]oyota (Nagata Acoustics), the Bing Concert Hall is stunning. Robert Campbell (Fisher Dachs Associates) was on hand during the second sound check (along with Richard and Dr. Toyota) to discuss the philosophy behind the building, a bit of history, and where they hope it will be in the future. This post is my impressions of the place along with notes from their interview.

archive everything!
01 october 2012 | notes

Archived everything in my inbox. It's awesome. Continues my general trend of simplifying. Logging off websites, only checking the news for [...]brief periods, and focusing on a core set of hobbies. Eliminating distractions and reducing information overload are doing wonders to fight off stress and keep me humming along.

©2006-2018 | biafra ahanonu | updated 02 april 2018
biafra ahanonu